|Guitar nerd topic of fun!
||[Sep. 6th, 2009|01:21 am]
I was just emailing a friend about my new guitar.
Of course, the whole thing is a lie. I didn't really buy a new guitar.
I think I did a good job of faking it though
"...I ordered the triple neck version--Mandolin, six string, ten string (top two strings are single, and the the fretboard underneath them is scalloped from the 12th to 27th frets).
Mando just has my standard acoustic setup:
- Bridge piezo
- Center-mounted '44 or '46 Tele bridge pickup (potted with goose fat)
- Internal IR system
- Neumann CMV 563 mounted on the top bout via gooseneck
Six string and ten string necks both have the same pickup set up:
- Piezos in the bridge, at the base of the neck, in the pocket of the case, and sunk in the concrete 15" below grade in the basement
- Humbucker in the lead position is actually two narrow humbuckers which are each actually two vertically stacked humbuckers. That's a total of EIGHT magnets, or what we now called "Quad-humbucking." This eliminates all noise, that normal humbuckers do, plus any noise you might be thinking about. Plus more noise than that. These pickups are great for playing classical music, like Fibonnacci and shit.
- Output of the Quad-buckers is intense. It can't be measured using digital meters--which is OK, because digital meters sound like shit and also were never used for blues. Basically though, these pickups are so loud that you don't really need an amp. Which is cool, because they don't make good amps anymore anyway. Not like that one kind that they only made for a few years. Those were the only good ones, and you can't get them anymore. I know I've never even HEARD of one.
- Middle pickup is the same as the lead pickup, wired backwards to eliminate noise in the OTHER instruments on stage.
- Neck pickup is another lead pickup, mounted lengthwise and upside-down. This eliminates SO MUCH noise that if you turn all three pickups on at once, you will literally forget what all brass wind instruments sound like. This setting works best during college football season. Also, on its own, this pickup always sounds EXACTLY LIKE HENDRIX!
- Since the lead pickup alone can be split 64 possible ways, plus out of phase, pickup selection can't be done with switches. The guitar is equipped with a quad-core Xeon processor, running "WANXIX"--a purpose-built O/S for switching guitar pickups. It's addressed through a standard 104-key keyboard (Windows or COMMAND key is required in order to access some of the advanced pickup settings). You can bind keystrokes to specific pickup settings. For example, I simply use [SHIFT +CTRL+CAPS LOCK+TAB+;] for my lead sound. Of course, it will also send email and Twitter.
Six and ten string necks both have Floyd Rose trems, set up to float. They also feature the new Nut Trem(tm), which is the first trem designed to mount at the nut. This answers a question asked by every guitarist since Segovia: "How do I work the whammy WHILE I'm tapping?" If you set up the Nut Trem with the new Long Bar(TM), you can be assured of ALWAYS being in reach of a trem. And the Mouthguard Long Bar(TM) attachment lets me use the trem with my face, so I can tap on both necks at once!
And of course, the headstocks are all shaped like an effin' DAGGER!"
Spam sez "Arbeitsmoeglichkeit"